“You aint gonna find them in your wardrobe, girl”

We are about to embark on a trip to Europe. I am already planning my outfits so that I can come home with awesome pictures and not pictures that compose many variants of the just-got-out-of-bed look or the does-she-have-a-home look. This raises some red flags for my boyfriend, who sadly isn’t going on the trip with me. He wonders why I’m putting so much effort in my wardrobe for this trip when I almost never put in any effort in my appearance. I know some people look down on people who don’t look and dress well but sorry, that’s just how I am. This trip is really exciting for me because Europe has always been a distant dream and this year, finally, I am able to go with money that I have scraped raw for (assuming I get my visa). I am planning my wardrobe because the trip is something I have earned, something for myself, and something that I want to look good for. My boyfriend has the slightest worry that I want to impress a guy whom I have not met yet. I can understand that worry because I would probably worry too if my boyfriend suddenly put in effort in his appearance after years of not doing so. But he clearly doesn’t know me as well as he thinks, because I would never try impress a guy with my appearance. If I ever wanted to look good, it would only ever be for myself. I would try to look good for work because I care about my career. I would put on a thoughtful outfit on days I suddenly want to feel beautiful. I would put on good looks for anyone I care about at their work functions. I would never do it to impress a stranger. Here’s why:

It attracts the type of people I don’t want in my life.

I’m not a person who worries too much about the way I look to others. Don’t get me wrong – I worry about the way I look – but only the way I look to myself. I worry about not aging well, that I have too many pimples, that I’m too skinny or my nose is too flat, etc, but I worry about these things for myself. I don’t need to dress up for a stranger to know that I can look good. If I’m being judged on the way I dress by a stranger, I know there isn’t going to be any kind of relationship there. Sometimes I think it is a gift to not excel at anything, to not be beautiful, to not have anything measurable to givebecause then you know the people who are in your life are really there because they want to love you; they are giving because of nothing else but the fact that their hearts are big. Those are the amazing people I want in my life.

You aint gonna find them in your wardrobe, girl.

What I’m trying to say is – look good, cover up, go naked, whatever pleases you. But do it for yourself or people who care about you. Never do it to find love. I honestly think if people did more things for themselves (as long as they aren’t hurting others) they would be much happier.

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